Announcing TRYOUTS for a new alternative rock band to be named ARCADE FIRE. Must be able to play 6-9 instruments including a healthy mix of wind, percussion, and strings. n.b.: "play" can include tossing and breaking, but only after you have established your sure range. Audition includes several rounds of instrument roulette. [Note: if you only play one instrument--e.g., violin--you had better tear that shit up.] We are looking for young people who are physically distinctive, especially from a distance, which means: a) great hair; b) a sharp jaw line; c) exquisite fashion sense (and preferably all of the above). Must be able to move nimbly around a crowded stage with a mess of cords and guitars and whatnot. Strong vocals required--how else will you be heard over all those goddamned instruments? Must generally appeal to the post-graduate crowd. Deep ambivalence toward the U.S. preferred. Between eight and twelve band members will be chosen. No recordings, please.
